Quoth the God-Walrus:

“Stand ye ever vigilant, against the coming of a monstrous manatee.”

Every culture knew this, from Atlantis to the Greeks to the noble Plains Indians. All the most ancient texts speak of it.

But LO! How is it that this blasphemous obscenity, this ANTIWALRUS is loosed upon the world?

Once that dread manatee was the right flipper of the God-Walrus. His own tusk of righteous hunger, the left hand of Lunch.

But then, one day (near the end of the day, actually- it was August), the Apostate Manatee accidentally counted past the sacred number two, by counting one of his tusks twice.

Now, two is the highest number we know. It approaches the infinite, for beyond it lie numbers that not even the God-Walrus can comprehend. Evil, heretical numbers that walruses were not meant to know- let alone us poor mortals.

And yea, as soon as he accomplished this act of fatal hubris, that diabolical manatee renounced his tusks, ate the God-Walrus' Lunch, and fled to the steaming uninhabitable hell of the distant south - a land where life as we know it cannot exist.

And the signs of the manatee's coming are three:

1. As the Manatee doth love watercress, and cleave unto it harder than to any natural and wholesome Lunch, there shall be a great rain of watercress upon the land. And all shall look up, and be afraid, and say "what the hell?"

2. And the Bee Gees shall come again like a plague upon the land, spreading fear and discord amongst the peoples of the earth. And all shall boogie with loathing and dread, and the boogie shoes of their mothers, and of their mothers' mothers shall be hateful unto them.

3. There is no third sign- or third anything for that matter. Why the very thought is blasphemy! Why are you reading this?! Go fill out a papal indulgence for yourself, you wicked sinner you!!!